By William Bruce
In a recent bout of insomnia, I was rolling through the late night TV channels when I chanced upon a vigorously gesticulating television preacher. He had a swooshed-back hairdo, a lavender shirt, a purple tie, and a garish jacket. I described the preacher to ChatGPT, and asked them to create an image of the fellow, which is shown below.
The preacher was sermonizing about the gifts of the Holy Spirit, and then smoothly moved into the matter of “resurrection seed.” It didn’t take a rocket scientist to quickly realize that the Reverend was talking about money.
The real deal was for those viewers who could send in “resurrection seed” of at least $100. In exchange for their $100, the preacher would let them in on the conversations he had been having with God, which covered a timeframe of several years.
Well, – uh – a’hem . . . .
Now, I’m not saying this guy is a four-flusher. However, the hairdo and the big diamond ring are clues.
And I suppose $100 is pretty cheap for years worth of conversations with God. If I were getting personal messages from God, I’d charge a tad more than a hundred bucks to let the world in on the chats.
But the thing that bothers me most is that people who claim to be getting messages from God never get any specific information. It’s all general, and most of what they claim God told them is already in the Bible.
All of which got me to thinking.
So now, in order to be fully prepared just in case I start getting direct messages from God (and not be utterly flustered when he rings in), I have complied the following list of specific questions for The Almighty:
- What is your attitude toward Presbyterians?
- Is Al Sharpton a real preacher?
- What did you have in mind when you created the armadillo? Not that I’m criticizing anything, you understand.
- What does the Fairhope, Alabama hurricane season look like for 2026?
- What six numbers between one and 49 sound good to you?
- Is Auburn going to beat Alabama this football season? And if it wouldn’t be too much trouble, what will be the point spread?
- And finally, is drinking bourbon a sin? I’ve read somewhere that in moderation it’s OK. But I wanted to confirm this with you. I’m asking for a friend.
So there you have it. Can you think of any other questions I should ask? I was a Boy Scout, and the motto was “Be Prepared.”
X X X
Other posts by Will Bruce:
Did Jesse James Practice Medicine in Baldwin County, Alabama?
An Adventure into Prehistoric Alabama.
90-Year Old Coppersmith Still Turning Out Lanterns.
Let’s Pass a Law Against August!
The William Bruce Business Discussion (a tad more serious)
William “Will” Bruce is a resident of Fairhope, Alabama. Professionally, he is a mergers and acquisitions advisor, an Accredited Business Intermediary (ABI), and a Senior Valuation Analyst (SVA), assisting business buyers and sellers with the transfer of ownership. But this website is mostly about non-business local issues, events, and “stuff.” He may be reached by email at Will@WilliamBruce.org.
Flying Bridges & Hyperactive Azaleas 